Why Relationships Are So Important in Retirement

When we talk about a successful retirement, we often look at things like financial security and physical health. However, those are only part of the equation. Your relationships with friends, family, and your spouse are what retirement is all about!

Retirement can be a very fulfilling time of your life, but it doesn’t come without challenges. There is often a lack of social activity after separating from work. You’ve spent every day with your coworkers and formed a bond. 

When these social ties at work are severed, then you’ll need to adjust. Many retirees find that their career offered a lot more than just a paycheck. You need to prepare for your social life in retirement just like you prepare financially.

Impact of Relationships on Longevity

If we look at the longest living countries and cultures, we find some similarities and differences. Common pieces of advice to eat healthy and exercise are still important. However, if you really want to live longer, make sure you have solid relationships.

That’s right! Your social wellbeing can have a greater impact on how long you live than diet and exercise alone. These factors do overlap, but having a strong social network is key.

Japan is home to some of the longest living people on the planet. Their culture places high levels of importance on relationships and finding meaning. Their word for this meaning is “ikigai.”

Ikigai translates to “life worth living.”  In other words, those that have meaning and purpose in their lives tend to live longer. Finding what drives you and brings meaning to your life can have positive benefits.

Defining and Finding Purpose

Often when we think of purpose, we might think of our career or vocation. A doctor might find meaning by helping their patients, a teacher watching their students excel, and a mechanic hearing an engine purr just right are all examples of satisfaction and meaning from work.

When we’re ready to transition from working full-time, we need to find other ways to create this fulfillment and meaning in our lives. This can come in the form of social activities, family time, part-time work, or volunteering. No matter what your “flavor” of fulfillment, you need to have something to look forward to regularly.

These fulfilling activities are key to building and maintaining relationships long into retirement. Older adults that are socially isolated tend to be in worse health. The research isn’t as clear on exactly why, but there is evidence that social isolation is generally bad for you.

Working to build a diverse network of people around you can fend off loneliness. This will feel different for everyone, so you’ll have to define what this means to you. A good mixture of friends and family will go a long way.

Leaving Friends Behind at Work

If you’ve found purpose and meaning form your career, leaving that behind could be difficult.  Many people find that as they transition away from work, they’re also transitioning away from their close friends at work. This can be a double whammy to your social life – less fulfillment from work and less social interaction from coworkers.

To combat this, it’s best to start branching out before you retire. Starting to find some secondary circles of friends will help bridge the social gap you might have from leaving work. If you’re married, this might be a time to start planning your transition to retirement together.

Better Marriage, Better Life

You could use any number of cliché phrases for this but having a strong romantic relationship can be key to a happier retirement. Couples that have mutual love and support for each other tend to be happier, healthier, and more financially stable.

On the other hand, an unhealthy relationship can have the exact opposite effect. If you’re not on the same page or have drifted apart, then you might need to get back on the same page. Having those hard conversations now will be critical to a blossoming relationship in retirement.

I’m not a couples’ therapist, but I can tell you that when communication isn’t happening, things get tougher. Although it takes courage, being honest with yourself and your partner is critical. You might be surprised at how much progress can be made from even one good conversation.

This doesn’t have to be all gloom and doom either. Maybe just taking the time for a dreaming session is all that’s needed. We mean to talk about our newest hopes and dreams, but life gets in the way. Making time for this can be fun and exciting!

Building and maintaining a lasting marriage takes more than just dreaming though. Investing in your significant other’s well being and happiness is good for them and you. One study shows that stress and anxiety in one partner can create more stress and anxiety in the other.

Taking the time to work through what the transition into retirement looks like together is particularly important. You should be looking at what activities you want to do together and defining your boundaries for personal time. This will be different for each person but working on this together is key.

You will spend a lot more time together in retirement. Completing some trial runs of spending more time together before you retire is something I suggest to all my clients. This can help build rules and routines so you can “flip on the retirement switch” quickly and easily.

Whether you are retired already or starting to plan for retirement, be sure to think about how to support each other. It’s nice to be able to have at least one person you can always count on. Start having these conversations now so you can smooth out any bumps before hitting the road in retirement.

Staying Close Without Being Close

Moving after retirement is common. However, that may not be necessary to maintain relationships with family and friends. As a matter of fact, it might not be a good idea to move just to be closer to family such as grown children.

There are many things to consider including the cost of moving, changes in tax laws if you’re crossing state borders, and changes in health care that’s available. It’s important to look at all the practical aspects as well as the emotional aspects of the decision to relocate. Just because you have more time to hang out doesn’t mean your family does too.

Although in-person interaction has the highest potential for bonding, video chatting and talking on the phone are still effective. Keeping a regular schedule to contact close friends and family can be a terrific way to maintain relationships. Regardless of how you keep in contact, your efforts will pay off.

If you are thinking about moving closer to family, it might be a good idea to take an extended vacation to try it out first. You might be surprised at what the experience is like if you’re staying in the area more than a few days. You want to be sure before you “sell the farm” and head out.

How To Get Started

If you’re not sure where to start preparing your relationships in retirement, just start reaching out. Look through your contacts and reconnect with old friends or family. Catching up with those you haven’t seen in a while can be good for them and you.

This might also be a great time to start getting more involved in activities you’ve been putting off. Join that country club again, take a beer-brewing class, or fire up the book club again. Starting new and old hobbies can be a good starting point for your retirement social network.

You’ll want to start this process sooner rather than later. Building up a diverse array of relationships to support you in retirement takes time. Just like your retirement savings, investing in relationships early and often can make all the difference.

And as always, don’t hesitate to reach out to our advisors should you need assistance with your personal finances!